spiralling (to half a tablet, three times a day)

I want to move. Far away, like to another country. For about six months, one year, tops. To study, work part-time, just be. I’ve been wanting to do this for as long as I can remember. And I want to do it before I get any older, get married, start a family, all that. You know, just do it, get it out of my system. Experience it without worrying about feeding children.

I think my family needs me here. Mama’s not well, never has been, really, it’s just becoming more and more obvious now – even she can’t hide it. Alex just got well. I’ve started a company here. After two years it’s still an infant, but hey Rome wasn’t built in a day. I want to start another business with my mother, who needs it more than I do on an emotional and psychological level. My brother’s just basically starting his career, and might need help in some areas of it. Mark’s here.

And oh, I have less than $700 to my name. That’s after five years of working. Can’t even buy a one-way plane ticket.

So these things are pulling my head in many different directions. And I’m just about to go crazy. Again. Hello Alprazolam.